It has been a month since I published my last post, Even Age Old Oaks Fall. I shared with my life coach and a friend (my PATIENT encouragers) how often I write posts and then hit the delete button. I have made a decision since speaking with them that I will no longer be trashing my heart musings.
Because I am owning my desire to write, no matter what happens.
This is a post I wrote just before Easter. I found it in my WordPress drafts file:
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24
There is nothing more pressing on my heart today than gratitude and honor.
I am so very thankful to God for the faith and the courage he has provided me to name my truth. The pressure to hold myself in a prison of perfection accountable to a harsh inner critic has been relieved by his grace and lovingkindness. The ‘fortified’ wall protecting myself and others from God is continuing to come down.
Yes, there is damage from my choice to take control and hide my pain behind the wall. But God is bigger than the damage. I am trusting in his goodness and power to bring His grace to bear in my relationships and use my mistakes for His glory. I am choosing to live in Hope and I am trusting His promise to strengthen what remains.
Waiting for Jesus to bring moments of mercy in opportunities to connect and waiting for his presence in the uncertainty of the outcomes is fostering peace for my soul.
One thing abides through the unfolding… Hope. Hope in Jesus. Hope in God’s faithfulness. Hope in God’s grace to provide what is needed for whomever needs it and at whatever time. My heart feels more rested and solid than before my recent journey to the cross.
Gratitude has returned with vibrance. No longer is the fear “I don’t know what is going to happen next” holding me prisoner to my self sufficient control. Rather a deepening of trust in God’s power and faithfulness is freeing me to be all of who I am in my uniqueness. I feel deeply grateful for His pursuit of my heart and His relentless love to bring me back into His fold. What a Father!
I am choosing daily to live my life in surrender to His will and in community with my possee. I find myself singing and humming a song (“Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle) louder and with more conviction than ever before.
Yes. I will testify to the good news of God’s grace.
It is May. Much has happened since I wrote that post.
On Easter, my family and I experienced God’s amazing grace. I am hopeful to share that story on Redtentliving.com this month and I hope you will join me there.
Since Easter, I have reconnected with my husband, family and friends in deeper ways. There have been tears of sorrow, tears of laughter, hard conversations and joyful moments of laughter and reconciliation.
Life continues to happen daily. Family events, funerals, births, celebrations, hospital visits, travel, health issues, time spent with dear friends, and spaces of reflection. Fear in the uncertainty of ups and downs and all arounds is not taking its toll on my heart as it was before. Farewell fear and thank you Jesus!
God’s grace has anchored me to Jesus. It is well with my soul.