This is Not a Roll of the Dice

I don’t know why today, but I am choosing to write my first blog.

The reason is not important but rather the freedom I feel to write from my heart and share all of who I am and what I believe. Fearless was the word given to me by my heart friend this year…It feels fitting in this moment.

‘Blogging’ will definitely be a learning process for me and one that will require some patient kindness for sure.  But today – my heart is open and willing.

Over the past couple of weeks, a change occurred in my life that has left me inspired and anticipating new horizons.

I made the decision to drop the rope in surrender of an internal tug of war of indecision over my loyalties and commitments. I have held onto a hurting relationship with both hands, hoping and praying for rescue by means of a miracle.  But the miracle did not come to fix what felt broken.

Not that I am giving up on miracles…I do believe they happen.  But to continue to wrestle in a battle not my own and put my heart on hold in wait for a possible ‘what if’ miracle felt draining.

It felt hard at the time to let go of the rope and make a decision to say goodbye, but I did in the service of love.  Who am I to involve myself in matters needing God’s all sufficient power and love?

Nope.  Enough is enough.

Surrender of what was has left my heart open to what will be…

I have dreams and things I want to do, things I want to write about and things I feel are important.  This is a space I want to share encouragement and  offer my words in hospitality of heart.

And so I begin…

This excerpt is from a book I cherish that holds the writings of Christians that have gone before us on our Journey Home…

Jesuit Father Luis Espinal was assassinated March 22, 1980 in La Paz, Bolivia by paramilitary forces. He wrote this meditation shortly before his death.  I find it to be encouraging in the midst of what this week holds…

“There are Christians who have hysterical reactions, as if the world would have slipped out of God’s hands.  They act violently as if they were risking everything.  But we believe in history; the world is not a roll of the dice going toward chaos.

 A new world has begun to happen since Christ has risen…

Jesus Christ, we rejoice in your definitive triumph….with our bodies still in the breach and our souls in tension, we cry out our first “Hurrah!” till eternity unfolds itself.

Your sorrow now has passed.

Your enemies have failed.

You are a definitive smile for humankind.

What matter the wait now for us?  We accept the struggle and the death; because you, our love, will not die!

We march behind you, on the road to the future.

You are with us and you are our immortality!

Take away the sadness from our faces.  

We are not in a game of chance…You have the last word!

Beyond the crushing of our bones, now has begun the eternal “alleluia!”

From the thousand openings of our wounded bodies and souls there arises now a triumphal song!

So, teach us to give voice to your new life throughout all the world.

Because you dry the tears from the eyes of the oppressed forever…and death will disappear.

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